I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this, but the title of this blog is Elfi’s World yet there rarely seems to be any posts about game play information specific to Elfi. You may have also noticed that the ‘About’ section has said “coming soon” since the very first day. Neither one of these two things are like this intentionally; but this weekend I believe I realized they may be subconsciously related to each other. I don’t have anything to write about me because I’m just not sure where I’m at or where I want to be. On Saturday I finally began to realize just how not happy I am. That doesn’t necessarily mean I am unhappy or miserable… I just am not as happy as I was hoping to be at this point in the expansion. I had been excited about having a weekend where I had the time to stay at home and play as much as I wanted both Saturday and Sunday. The problem was, when I got up and logged in Saturday morning, I was all alone. No one in guild chat. Just like it had been Friday morning when I logged in. Just like it is a lot. And yes, since I work the midnight to 08:00am shift, my hours don’t quit match up as conveniently with others as they used to. But this isn’t about my hours. It’s about a broken guild.

I’ve mentioned before how I was excited and ready for Cataclysm and had high hopes for myself and my improvements in game play. But shortly after the expansion launched, my guild was consumed by drama. I remained cool and fairly optimistic. After all, it’s only a game, right? Unfortunately, less than a week later, it hit too close to home for me to remain cool and optimistic. For the first time ever, I was upset, stressed out, and depressed about the World of Warcraft. Now for the record, I remain friends with the GM I mentioned in that last post and shortly after this particular post was published we talked about it. She was upset that I was upset and she felt a bit misrepresented. Which I freely admitted was probably true. I also admitted I had written that post just an hour or two after everything went down and I allowed my hurt feelings to rule the pen more than I should have. But I decided not to alter the post in any way because that’s a reflection of a moment in time for me. That’s exactly how I felt and it sucked.

Fast forward a couple of months and you’ll find me still upset. How ridiculous is that? Not badly upset, just a touch. I get a tinge of jealousy when I hear about how the people who left me are having such a good time. I know I shouldn’t take it personally and I know they aren’t trying to make me feel bad at all. But knowing those things doesn’t make it suck any less. Some people might say I should just break contact and then I won’t know how much fun they are having. But I don’t want to. I enjoy the small conversations I get to have with the people I miss so badly. So I guess I actually am torturing myself. Now I just have to figure out what to do about it. Somewhere lost in the midst of all this is the fact that I really REALLY wanted to concentrate on raiding more than I ever have. Guild runs were basically out the window, so I pugged my way through enough randoms to get geared up for heroics. I survived my first pugged heroic with only a slight problem with an asshole dpser after we made it through the final boss. The next pugged heroic didn’t go as well. We lost 2 tanks and 1 dps and then wiped repeatedly before we finally all agreed we didn’t even want to do it anymore. I did get a few good heroics in with a former guild officer and her husband who keeps in touch with me and invited me along for a few runs. But then heroics just sort of came to a standstill for me. I’m too nervous as a resto druid to pug them, so I’ve essentially just quit. It’s not like I’m going to have a chance to do any raiding anyway. Now Elfi just farms herbs and does some dailies.

I know what you’re thinking, why am I spending $15 a month to be not happy? Well like I said at the beginning, it sort of just now donned on me this weekend how I was feeling. And like I also said, I’m not necessarily unhappy. When there are a few people logged into the guild we have some good chats… while I’m standing in SW not doing anything and not running any 5mans. You have to understand, none of this has anything to do with any of my guildmates. They have done nothing wrong, we’ve been scraping ourselves up off the ground and we’re actually standing quite tall. It’s just that there’s not very many of us. I’m afraid there may not be enough of us for me to get what I want from the game.

So why don’t I join another guild? Maybe the guild where I know some people and keep hearing about how awesome it is? Well, because I have a lot of thinking to do. There’s one little hitch there that is like a splinter in my mind and I have to decide if it’s going to remain a splinter or not. Also, I’m one of the most fiercely loyal people you will ever meet. I always have been. No matter where I work or what type of group I’m in, I am proud of it til the very end. So I really have to weigh things out. Problem in this situation is I am fiercely loyal to my guild… but it was partially based on my fierce loyalty to my GM and even though she’s now gone, if I’m being truthful, I still feel some loyalty towards her.

At this point I should probably say that I know there is at least one of my guildmates who reads this blog. Kimber, I love you babe. I want to assure you I have not made a decision to leave the guild. Nor have I made a decision to roll a new toon in another guild on our server. I am thinking about possibly doing one of those two things. But if it happens you guys will get advanced notice, I will not discuss it here until I’ve discussed it with the guild, and I will provide lengthy explanations. Right now there’s nothing for you guys to worry about. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.

So that’s the current state of Elfi’s World. The shit ain’t pretty right now. I was so emo about it this weekend (also blaming hormones) that because I had planned to play the whole weekend and then realized I kind of didn’t want to talk to anyone, I actually rolled a Goblin Hunter on a different server and just enjoyed having fun and not watching guild chat or looking for old friends in SW. It was relaxing. The Goblin starting area is the most fun I’ve ever had while leveling a baby toon. But I’m a social person and that’s not gonna cut it as a permanent solution. Although I did talk Kimber into rolling a Goblin over there with me and the two of us had our own little personal leveling party all weekend and had a total blast. I thought briefly about how it might be nice to just never go back to my home server and instead stay here in this new place and make new friends and start over. But I could NEVER do that. Azuremyst is my home. And I am way too addicted to Elfindale and my other toons (even though I suck at leveling them) to ever abandon them. So for now I guess I’m just taking a small break from the norm. I will continue working on the Goblin until something clicks in my head and I finally sort this mess out.

Comments on: "The One Where… Ah Screw It" (15)

  1. I’ve been in a similar position, only reversed. I was originally in a very casual, friendly guild, but I really wanted to start raiding, something beyond what most of them wanted out of the game. Eventually after pugging with a guild a few times I decided to join them (since I was essentially one of their regular raiders at that point). It was an AGONIZING decision, though, as I really felt like I was abandoning my old guild. I decided to leave my other characters with the old guild and only switch my main. Eventually I moved another over, then another, until now I only have one left in the original guild.

    I’m still on good terms with them, but I can’t deny that I’m nowhere near as close with them as I was before. Which does suck, and I feel bad about. But at the same time, I’m much more satisfied with my current overall game experience, being able to raid regularly and participate in current end-game content.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is, your desires and ambitions for the game HAVE to come first, even if it means sadly giving up something else you enjoy. I’m pretty sure the friends in my old guild don’t hold my leaving against me – it was something I felt I had to do. It’s like getting a new awesome job that’s better for your career, but means you have to quit your current job with amazing co-workers. It’s sad, no doubt, but it’s in your best interests, and that’s really important to prioritize.

    Hope you are able to figure out what will make you happiest in the long run!

    • Rades, the co-worker analogy is a good one. Looking at things that way kind of changes the guilt behind it all. Thanks for your advice.

  2. Guild drama seems to be the general way of things nowadays. On my server alone I’ve seen like 90% of the biggest guilds consumed by guild drama, which in many cases has lead them to completely reform their guilds leaving nothing but the name the same, and sometimes not even that.
    I completely agree with you that you have to put your own enjoyment in front of others when it comes to this game. This is not work. We do not do this for other peoples sake, only for ourselves. I think we are seeing more and more people accepting this now.

    • It’s rather amazing how this expansion has sort of backfired. Instead of friends and guilds bonding together even closer to tackle the new content, it seems to be making everyone refocus instead. I’m really disappointed that I am allowing myself to struggle with this instead of accomplishing the in-game stuff I wanted to do. Thanks for the comment.

  3. Ya What Rades said. Really, I take breaks all the time from certain toons. It helps keep the game fresh and allows me to work with new people. A couple of years ago, I belonged to a guild that had fantastic vision, depth and a very friendly atmosphere. Most unfortunately, some serious drama unfolded about thier raid teams. They had 3, paired it down to two….then it got ugly. People were being downright nasty to one another where they used to be the best of pals. I left the game for awhile specifically because of those issues. Took a break, then rerolled fresh all over again. Now, I have several toons on several servers which keeps things fresh and interactive with others. Elfi, hope you find that nice balance and fun again. I know it took an extended break for me. Hopefully it wont for you. Have a great day though :)

    • Thanks for the kind words. I really hope I don’t have to step away from the game completely to give myself a break. I think I’ll just follow everyone’s advice and try another server for a while.

  4. Cataclysm as a whole has really put the hurt on many guilds and players. As Rades said it comes down to doing what you want to do. If you do look for another guild it will not be easy but real friends will understand and if you where friends before you will stay friends. It will just require more work then saying hello in guild chat to keep in touch is all.

    Taking a break and doing something different is usually the way I go. That is why I have so many alts on so many servers. It is also why I started playing Rift. Personally I hate what Cataclysm has done to the game and the people that play it. It is impossible to recruit healers and the good raiders leave at the first sign of any failure because they have gotten so used to downing things easier with the last expansion.

    I’ve made the decision to forget progression, spend time on Rift (because I hate leveling now with the changes) and I am enjoying WoW more this expansion then I had before. I do runs on weekends to get people kingslayer and starcaller and stuff like that. It keeps us tight as a guild and relieves some of the pressure we feel when we do not do very well in progression that week.

    You need to find your grove and what you have fun doing and roll with it. The expansion is still new and it is still hurting a lot of people in terms of being fun. That will pass as gear becomes more accessible and people get used to things the way they are now.

    Sad part is, Heroics will always be a world of hurt. Get used to it. There will always be bad players that need gear and they are the ones you will run into. Good players, even ones behind the progression curve like me, have really had no need to run heroics since the first week of release. Most good players don’t run them or run them with guild. Be prepared to always have bad heroics until Blizzard realizes that for as good of an idea as it was to make things harder, it did not work. The general populace of the game can not handle the heroics.

    • Doing some of the older runs is a great idea. I’m missing a lot of raiding achievements from Wrath and it might be a lot of fun going back with a 7 or 8 people to do the 10 man content. Great idea, thanks for the comment.

  5. I can relate to this post. There have been a few times where my loyalty to my guild has felt like a burden. I, too, don’t give up easily and am extremely loyal to a guild when I join it. One guild I was in on my original server had drama over a spontaneous Ulduar run that the GM and his um, good lady friend were not invited to. This caused problems that made most of the active raiders in the guild leave, and most of them got back together in a new guild. I was left looking at the flood (and later slow trickle) of guildies leaving and despairing first because of the drama itself, which I was tired of seeing crop up at that point, and then because my raiding prospects were pretty much shot with that guild. It tore me up and I almost stopped playing the game entirely. I made the decision to transfer servers to be in a raiding guild of a RL friend of mine. Best decision I ever made.

    Maybe that’s not the solution for you, but I keep advising people (and myself) that you play the game for FUN, and for YOU, and if you aren’t enjoying playing, something needs to change. Maybe that’s making an alt on another server (like your goblin) and taking a ‘vacation’ from Azuremyst until you get your mojo back. Maybe it’s leaving your guild for fresh start. Maybe it’s staying where you are. I can’t say.

    I’ve been having less fun in WoW myself lately, and it’s interesting to see I’m not the other one having issues in Cataclysm. I still have yet to do anything beyond the trash leading up to the first bosses in BoT and Blackwing Descent….and it’s fustrating. I have read far too many blogs where people talk about how things have changed for the worse in this expansion. I do hope things will even out and people will ease into a comfortable groove again. *crosses fingers*

    • Yep, it sounds like you have been in the exact same situation. It really helps to know this is something that happens to other people and it’s not just made up in my head. I’m sure I’ll find a solution, nothing ever keeps me down too long. I just needed to write this down so that I could read it and purge it from my brain. I appreciate you and the others giving me some moral support.

  6. Kimber said:

    I hate it that you feel that way, but I do totally understand. And, I know it’s not any one person but instead an unfortunate chain of events that has manifested into…. nevermind. You know what I’m sayin’.
    You’ve mentioned my alts, oh all my alts, several times. I’m not unlike the folks that posted here, I take breaks and/or roll new toons on a sever where I know no one. It’s like going to a new school in the middle of the semester…then RealID came along. Maybe it should be shut off for a while? That’s an idea.
    Meh, whatever you decide to do I know you’ll do it with that pizazz of yours I so treasure. Besides,
    I know where you work, where you live, your email address, and your phone number. So play goblin with me or I will kick your ass. <3

    • Well I only have like 3 people on RealID but I’m still torn about it. I think it’s a fabulous way of always seeing where you are so I can talk to you whenever I want to. I just don’t like the fact that people can always see where I am. Lol. Double standard much?

      And I am absolutely gonna keep playing the goblin for now. I’m glad I talked you into rolling one with me.

      • Kimber said:

        Like you had to twist my arm? Oh please! I like rollin’ with you, ya squirrel. No one can insult me and make it funny like you do. Geez.

  7. Oh no, guild troubles DX Those are the worst. No matter how much people complain about loot or RNG or heroics, the most difficult and pervasive of game troubles is always related to the player’s community. I think it’s wonderful that you feel loyalty to your guild, and in fact that your guild was (for the most part?) good people. But like Rades said, if you aren’t happy in the guild, especially if you feel lonely or at the very least not as involved as you’d like to be in gameplay, then even the most wonderful of people shouldn’t stop you from looking for your fun. If they are good people, they will understand and still care about you as a person rather than a guild member, and keep in contact in the game!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 573 other followers

%d bloggers like this: