I talk a lot of big talk and make a lot of big plans around here about how I want to stay current with game content and see all the raids and do all the things. In reality, I’ve only completed 3 different heroics and am nowhere near being raid ready. Just to clarify, I’m not trying to be someone who constantly makes empty promises to myself; it’s just that my eyes are bigger than my stomach. Wait, wut? You know what I mean. So imagine my surprise when I found myself raiding (if you can call what I did raiding) with my guild last night.
Here’s how it all started. I had been logged into the game basically all day just working on alts and trying to figure out how to best replenish my recently diminished gold piles. My plan was to log out right before 8:00pm, fix myself some food, and settle in to watch the season premiere of The Biggest Loser. Partially because I need the inspiration, partially because I have a girl crush on Jillian Michaels. About 10 minutes before that happened, my gm whispered me to see if I would be interested in filling a spot for them because a guildie had something come up unexpectedly. I’m not going to lie, I laughed. I told him he really did not want me in his raid because I haven’t been doing the dailies or running the heroics I need to do to upgrade myself. I think the last heroic I ran was over a month ago and I managed a whopping 15k dps. Yeah, that’s embarrassing. In my defense, I only have 4% haste and my cast times are fucking LOOOOONG. That’s not a very good defense is it? Clearly there is more wrong with me than just my haste, but that’s a whole nother can of worms.
Back to the current story, I told him he’d be better off pugging as on top of my shitty, non-existent dps I also had never stepped one foot into the place and hadn’t yet studied any of the fights. I would be going in blind. Shudder. But it was now just a couple of minutes before 8 and they just weren’t finding anyone who could help them out so he asked me again if I would like to join them. I told him it would be absolutely horrifyingly embarrassing for both me and the guild but I am one of those people who will always do anything I can to help the team. Even if my help is going to amount to nothing more than being a warm body.
Which is exactly what happened, dps wise. I brought them no help at all. And just like I predicted, I was completely embarrassed about my dps. I mean, it seriously barely even registered on Recount, I swear. I can’t give you my overall dps number because after we got to Elegon the guildie who had not been there earlier had finally gotten online and I stepped out so he could join them and save them from me. And I can’t give you my dps number up until that point because the first time I glanced down and looked at it, I died. Of embarrassment. Then I puked. From nervous shame. Then I died again of more embarrassment. BUT. When it was all said and done, if you just ignore dps altogether, (please. ignore it.) I was actually pretty damn happy with my raid awareness and the fact that I really had no issue with standing in poop or falling off platforms or running away from the group when necessary. Obviously I would never say I was 100% on raid awareness, but for being such a nervous noob and just getting some quick, basic instructions before each pull I really think I did a good job. Of course, there may be 9 other people who don’t have that opinion, but no one ever yelled at me to move out of shit or run away or shoot the other guy or anything. I had even recently reconfigured my UI to make sure my battlerez, tranquility and innervate were situated in a prominent position on very large, easy to see buttons and that totally paid off because I got asked to pop both tranquility and my battlerez and I was able to do so instantly. Which is very unlike the past 5 years when I was always worried more about my UI being pretty and symmetrical. Also, even though it really didn’t help much, I had dropped all my money in the AH last Friday on a 30k trinket upgrade and finally buying gems and enchants for my shitty gear that needs to be replaced.
So when it was all said and done, I was starving and dying of thirst due to not knowing I was going to be raiding and getting stuck in my chair without a chance to grab any food or water. My keyboard and my shirt were covered in puke and I had missed every minute of the show I had been anxiously waiting to see for over a week. Thankfully it’s on Hulu+ so that’s no big deal. But even with all that misery and my being seriously (completely seriously) upset that my dps was so fucking ridiculous, I came away from the whole experience happy as fuck. Clearly I will be working on improving my dps, but I am no longer afraid of dipping my toes in LFR (yes, I know they will laugh at me and kick me from group if I try it before the dps improves). I’m just totally stoked about how I’m finally getting all of my other shit together and once I get my numbers up I will rule this kingdom and slay all the dragons.