Posts tagged ‘fail’

The One With The Slot Machine Fucking Yaks

There will be no pictures of slot machines doing naughty things to yaks in this post or vice versa, so if that’s why you clicked this link please know I’ve wasted your time.

My last post here is dated 5/26/14 and it was all about Wildstar. Until tonight, the last time I logged into WoW was just a few days after that post. So it has been roughly 6 weeks since I last spent 2 or 3 hours riding around in a circle on the Timeless Isle and watching for the Ironfur Steelhorn yak to appear. Because that’s all I had been doing in WoW for quite some time. That fucking yak is the last rare I need to complete the Timeless Champion achievement and HAS been the last rare I’ve needed for a long time. I had slowly gotten obsessed.

It started innocently enough. I’d login to Elfi, harvest & replant my garden, fly out to the Isle and spend 30ish minutes killing shit and gathering coins. Then I’d either do some LFR with Elfi or I’d switch over to one of my alts and do some stuff. A few months back I realized I was close to finishing the legendary cloak quest line & I stopped spending time on alts and spent most of my time logged into Elfi on the Timeless Isle waiting for the LFR queue. I had always been on the lookout for the Ironfur Steelhorn, but at this point I started hunting him more seriously. I’d use the windfeather buff and run circles around the Celestial Court killing all the yaks, even the babies. By the time I finally did get my cloak & didn’t have to do any of that anymore, I had become addicted to the hunt.

I’m a gambler. Not in general; I don’t flip coins with friends to see who pays for dinner or take a chance on getting through stop lights that have been yellow for a few seconds. I mean I love me a fucking slot machine. Or anything fairly close to a slot machine – like those games at the fair where you drop a quarter in and hope it pushes more quarters off the edge for you. My eyes glaze over and I become irrational. It’s not that I go insane and start betting large amounts of money; I totally prefer penny slots because if you go to the casino with $100 you can play longer on penny slots. It’s amount of time played that’s my issue. I can’t quit playing. I don’t want to quit playing. I have gone on a spontaneous trip to the casino at like 11pm on a Friday night after working all day and will sit there blankly staring at a slot machine until 6am. There’s no way I could have stayed up that long doing anything else.

Lucky for me, I don’t live in Las Vegas or Atlantic City. The closest casinos to me are about an hour away, located on Indian land in Oklahoma. Not something I can just pop by on my way home from work. Also lucky for me, I love spending money. Which means I probably put more money into slot machines every couple of months than most people would, but also means when I set myself a limit of how much I’m going to spend I usually only hit the ATM once for an extra $80. :P [edited to clarify: I love spending money on all sorts of silly toys and games and trips and food, so I know better than to waste all of my extra income on the slots]

Restraint. I almost haz it.

Okay, do you see the connection here between the yak and the slot machine story? After I finished the legendary questline and didn’t need to queue LFR to get specific drops I started spending 4 or 5 hours a night doing nothing more than riding that same circle and killing those same yaks, even the babies. I quit gardening, I quit doing dailies, I quit logging into my alts. Never saw the bitch once – not even it’s corpse.

Queue recent 6 week(ish) absence from WoW. Tonight I had some extra time and was excited to be able to login to Elfi and spend some time in this game I love so much. Hey guess what? I’ve done nothing other than hunt the yak. Right back into the same pattern EXCEPT TONIGHT SOMETHING DIFFERENT HAPPENED as you can see by the below image.

twiter feed

Obviously that’s from my Twitter feed so you read bottom to top. You know the drill. Yep, that totally happened. In minutes. But did it make me want to rage quit? Nope. At this point, the Ironfur Steelhorn is like a slot machine to me. I might as well start calling it my Brokeback Mountain because I can’t fucking quit it. Just like when I’m playing the slots I can’t help but think the next push of the button may be the big one. The next yak I see may be the one I need. The next $0.40 bet I make may win me $500. The next loop I make around the Celestial Court may put me face to face with him.

That’s what WoW has been reduced to for me. I can’t imagine doing anything else in game until this achievement is complete.

/cry

Blah

I read dozens of WoW-centric blog posts a day ranging in content from news about recently gained pets to detailed “how to” guides. I enjoy them all. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t read them. Yet when it comes to my own blog I find myself not writing posts because I feel the silly, unimportant subject matter could not possibly be exciting to anyone. This frustrates me. I enjoy blogging. I KNOW blogging is supposed to be for me and no one else. I certainly don’t pop in here simply because I need attention or desire to grow a massive audience. But as a child, I didn’t dream of becoming an astronaut or a princess or a superhero – I dreamed of being a photojournalist for National Geographic. From as early as I can remember I collected those magazines from every garage sale or old person that had them. My room had hundreds and hundreds of bright yellow-bound magazines stacked in it. In my teen years, I added novelist to the list. I read my first Stephen King book at age 11 and after reading 5 or 6 more (along with what I swear must have been every book my tiny school library had to offer) I was convinced writing was in my future.

Hey, guess what? Nope. Turns out I was too shy to complete the journalism classes I tried to take in college. Too lazy to do much writing of any other kind, apparently. I also don’t have much of an imagination anymore. I don’t know where I lost it. In my 20’s I wrote some poetry. Not epic poetry, or romantic poetry. Mostly what I’d consider dark poetry, I suppose, for lack of better categorization options. Maybe no one else would agree. /shrug. All I know is poems would randomly just start forming in my mind and lay themselves down line by line, piling up until my head felt like it was going to burst open if I didn’t stop and write it down. Most of my poetry was first written on random scraps of paper and napkins that happened to be near me when this happened. They always seemed to spew forth without needing to be edited or cleaned up. I miss that feeling. Even if no one else ever thought they were good poems, I liked them. Why can’t that feeling come back to me?

In case you haven’t noticed, this is just a mind dump. I sat here with the new blog post window open and couldn’t decide which insignificant detail of my gaming life to share so this started pouring out instead. My apologies. I used to have no trouble writing blog posts. Hey, while we’re on that subject, December 7 marked my 3rd yr anniversary at World of Elfi. It all began with an open letter to Blizzard. Ah, I used to be so entertaining. To myself, if no one else. I was fine with entertaining myself for so long. How did that stop? I didn’t mean to intentionally ignore my anniversary. Just accidentally overlooked it.

I still enjoy the hell out of the game. Sometimes my interest drops a bit if other side projects have my attention, but currently I’m in a big WoW upswing. It started ramping up as Blizzcon approached and it’s still going. Obviously my writing issues aren’t related to that.

Yes, it does strike me as funny that I’ve just used all these words to form lines and paragraphs of useless rambling about how I don’t write as much as I used to because I’m afraid it’s all useless rambling. Heh. I think that’s a clear indication I should sign off for today.

Here’s hoping sometime soon I’ll post about my latest boring pet, achievement, gear, etc.

And The Winner Is ….

For worst designed path to flightmaster in all of WoW – (drumroll please) – Nethergarde Keep, Blasted Lands

Here’s a detailed look into how this was chosen as the winner!

Coming in HOT! Nope, forgot to jump
Wow-64 2013-11-26 12-11-51-95

Jumped! Oh, fuck me
Wow-64 2013-11-26 12-12-21-93

Coming back around! MOVE YOU FUCKING BIRD
Wow-64 2013-11-26 12-12-59-70

Woo, I got this now! OMG, it’s Deadman’s Curve
Wow-64 2013-11-26 12-12-48-34

I can see the top! Nope, forgot to jump
Wow-64 2013-11-26 12-13-56-30

Jumped! Oh, fuck me
Wow-64 2013-11-26 12-14-00-55

Coming in HOT! A little too hot…
Wow-64 2013-11-26 12-13-25-53

Screw you Deadman’s Curve! Oh fml, hang on
Wow-64 2013-11-26 12-13-33-16

VICTORY! And only 20 seconds faster than it would have taken me to run to Stormwind
Wow-64 2013-11-26 12-15-40-60

Monday Morning Confession

(Let’s pretend I actually finished this and posted it during the morning, instead of falling asleep at the keyboard and deciding to go to bed and finish it this evening.)

Once again I have proven my brain doesn’t function when it comes to all things Azeroth. My ineptitude is getting so ridiculous, I have decided to embrace it as blog fodder and allow you all to laugh at my silliness in hopes that the joy it brings you will help keep me from facepalming myself into a headache.

So this weekend I began my return to WoW from recent limited game time and as I refocused on things, I really began to lament the poor quality of my weapon. I have a blue staff, ilvl 450. How sad is that? It’s pretty sad. As I looked up gearing lists I realized there’s not a lot of options to upgrade my weapon outside of LFR. There’s a chance of a drop in Heroic Scholomance and a chance of a drop from Galeon, but nothing I can go out and buy or obtain easily. It made me a little grumpy because even though I had ignored my weapon for a long time now, I had promised myself I would queue for ToT LFR this weekend and suddenly upgrading my weapon became a priority.

I mentioned it in guild chat and one of my guildies said “hey, don’t you have the Frostscythe from Lord Ahune?” And I was all like “oh it’s a transmog from last year, had it in my bank.” Then I carried on my merry way of whatever derping around I was currently doing and dismissed the entire conversation. Four hours later my eyes opened wide and this conversation came back to my mind and slapped me upside the head to let me know what a fool I was.

You may recall back in June I wrote a blog post just to be silly and brag about all the Frostscythe’s that were dropping for me since I was doing the holiday boss across 3 toons. My DK got it a couple of times but doesn’t use staffs and my Troll Druid got it and I specifically remember looking at the weapon’s stats and recognizing it as an upgrade so I equipped it on her. Elfi had already transmogged her old one and now I (thankfully) don’t remember specifically if a new one actually dropped for her this year… and I’m glad I don’t remember. Because somehow I went through the holiday never realizing it would be an upgrade for Elfi. As soon as I got the pet to drop on one of my toons, I didn’t even do the fight anymore on any toon. OMG I AM SUCH A MORON.

I just knew Elfi already had it and now my horde toon did too. I never connected the fact that it was an upgrade for my horde druid to the fact that my alliance druid needed an upgrade. HOW DO I FUNCTION AS A HUMAN BEING? Seriously, you guys gotta believe me that I’m not this stupid all the time. I do manage to hold a job and get myself dressed every morning. The moment this all finally blossomed in my head last night, hours after my guildie had mentioned it, I was flabbergasted that I let this happen.

It’s time to finally just admit I have a terrible attention span when it comes to WoW. I come into it like every day is a new day, which is fine for most video games. They are meant to be a mindless distraction. But WoW is more to me than a video game. It’s a community and one that I’ve been a part of for years now. I want to be better at it but my brain seems to just login and go “yay, distraction for the human so I can sleep” and I skip off into the sunset looking for sparkling flowers. So I have finally realized, I need a WoW notebook. And a stack of post-it notes. If I can’t force my brain to remember that the last time I played my shaman she needed to go to SW and train up mining before questing again, then I’ll start writing that shit down. Here’s hoping it works.

The One Where I Wonder What’s Wrong With Me

This is nothing new, I wonder this all the time. But it’s back on my mind thanks to the news that patch 5.2 will be released in a couple of weeks and I am not prepared for it. Again. As usual. I would love to figure out why I stay so behind. I spend A LOT of hours logged into this game over the course of a week and still I’ve never capped Valor, don’t remember to tend my farm every day, have yet to step foot in LFR, only run an average of 2 heroics a week, still don’t have my Cloud Serpent mount, etc. etc. The list goes on and on.

I can’t blame it on transmogging because I only have 1 (recently completed) transmog outfit for 1 character. I can’t blame it on pet battles because I only have 1 team formed and they are at level 15ish. As far as dailies go, I hit exalted with the Tillers and got everyone to be my best friend very early on but since then the only other rep I’ve completed is Golden Lotus. I haven’t even started several of them. And this is my main, Elfindale, I’m talking about. I have a level 90 on the Horde side who’s accomplished nothing more than opening up all the farm plots. And no, I don’t tend my farm every day on that toon either, thanks for asking.

What the fuck do I do with my time in-game? It’s something I’ve been asking myself for the past 5 years. There is something about WoW that causes me to develop situational ADD, I swear (does not affect me when I do heroics or actual raiding). I log in with no sense of “first this, then this, then this” and I find myself mousing over other players in the area because I like what they’re wearing or to see the name of the mount they’re riding. Then I check my mail. Then I stare at Accountant for 5 minutes and wonder why I don’t make more gold than I do (psst.. it’s because I don’t do enough dailies or heroics or anything at all really).

Then I fuck around with all the stupid shit I carry in my bags that I have no use for but cannot bring myself to delete because OMG THE NOVELTY OF THIS THING (I’m looking at you, Ancient Amber). Then I go to the bank and organize it and look at all the stupid shit I have in there which I have no use for. I stand there several minutes and contemplate deleting things. Then I realize I should be doing something, so I head out to the Shrine’s patio and survey the vast land of opportunity before me. Then I pull up my bags again and wonder if I should store some of the useless crap in the bank with the other useless crap (volatile orbs, landsharks, ugh). I’m also chatting with the guild and/or real ID friends during all of this, which likely slows me down a hair but I will never stop doing. In fact, I would love to have more real ID friends for chatting. Battletag Elfi#1350. Hit me up.

Now where was I? Oh that’s right, standing around not accomplishing anything. I tab out to catch up on Twitter. Tab back in. Remember I wanted to look up how to get that cool object/mount/gear/pet, tab back out to google it. Read every comment on WoWhead just because they’re there. Tab back in. Catch up on guild chat. Scroll through last few minutes of general and trade for God knows what reason. Oh hey, I should fly out to the farm. Take flightpath, tab out to catch up on Twitter. Jump into a Twitter conversation and get ignored (off-subject, but it happens to me a lot). Tab back into game & forget why I flew to this spot. Hearth to Shrine. Immediately remember I was going to farm. /facepalm. Take flight path back. Decide I should gather some herbs while I’m in the area. Spend the next 30 minutes alternating between gathering herbs and tabbing back out to see if I’m actually going to get a reply on Twitter. Spoiler alert: I usually don’t.

Tab back into game, decide I’m tired of gathering herbs. Hearth back to Shrine. DAMMIT I WAS GOING TO FARM. Maybe I should actually run a heroic or do something useful. Queue for heroic, fly to farm. Decide I would be better off working on my DK alt because I really want her to be at 90 before patch 5.2 drops. Switch to DK alt without ever taking care of my farm. Quest on DK alt for a few minutes then decide to head to Stormwind to see if I can make money playing the AH. Stare at AH for 20 minutes and realize I don’t have enough starting capital to do much playing on the AH. Head back out to quest. Decide I should have looked for cool transmog stuff for my DK because everyone needs to be transmogged at level 70, right? Hearth back to Stormwind and look at AH some more. Reprimand myself for not leveling faster, head back out for questing.

By this time, I haven’t eaten dinner, haven’t done any exercising, need to get ready for work and once again, accomplished nothing. I mean, obviously I’m exaggerating this a bit (no, not really) and not every day is quite this ridiculous (but close). I’m seriously considering actually writing out a daily action plan. Something along the lines of:
1. login to Elfindale, immediately queue for heroic
2. while waiting on queue, immediately fly to farm and ACTUALLY TEND FARM
3. if still waiting on heroic queue, do Klaxxi dailies (I’m close to exalted with them, amazingly)
4. While flying to Dread Wastes, pick herbs
5. After heroic, login to Krisstalys (lvl 90 Horde) and tend farm
6. Login to Morrissa (DK alt I want to get to 90) and queue for random dungeon
7. while waiting for dungeon, complete quests

It seems silly that I would need to write down such simple things and I often wonder if I would even actually follow the plan if I did ever write it up. It’s not like I’m incapable of intelligent thought, I should be able to just do these things because I know they need to be done. Which is why I swear WoW triggers some sort of attention deficit for me. I just don’t seem to be able to resist getting distracted by all the shiny things.

I am curious if any others out there find they have a similar issue OR if any of you have some advice on how you manage to do more in 2 hours a night than I do in 4 hours a night. I’m not even kidding, I want to know. Because I’m really disappointed that I probably won’t have my DK to 90 before the patch and that a new raid will once again come out before I ever see the current raid. I need to figure out how to play more efficiently. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because both of my level 90 toons are Balance druids and as such, they are not exactly lean, mean killing machines. I’ve always sworn I hate melee and have no interest in bear or cat but since I’ve been working on my death knight so much recently, I’m starting to change my opinion about melee a bit. Maybe I should consider a bear off-spec for Elfi so that dailies and other general things would go quicker. I often wonder if the fact that everything – including killing vermin on my farm – takes so damn long and is so painful sort of subconsciously keeps me from running out there and doing what I need to do. Of course, I’m not in the best gear thanks to my lack of gathering Valor and my absence from heroics and LFR. And there’s a terrible cycle to be stuck in… without gear I suck, because I suck I don’t do the things that could get me gear. Awesome.

What do you guys do to maximize your efficiency in game? How many people think druids suck? What advice can you guys give me on overcoming this problem?

The One Where I Shouldn’t Be So Damn Impressed With Myself

I talk a lot of big talk and make a lot of big plans around here about how I want to stay current with game content and see all the raids and do all the things. In reality, I’ve only completed 3 different heroics and am nowhere near being raid ready. Just to clarify, I’m not trying to be someone who constantly makes empty promises to myself; it’s just that my eyes are bigger than my stomach. Wait, wut? You know what I mean. So imagine my surprise when I found myself raiding (if you can call what I did raiding) with my guild last night.

Here’s how it all started. I had been logged into the game basically all day just working on alts and trying to figure out how to best replenish my recently diminished gold piles. My plan was to log out right before 8:00pm, fix myself some food, and settle in to watch the season premiere of The Biggest Loser. Partially because I need the inspiration, partially because I have a girl crush on Jillian Michaels. About 10 minutes before that happened, my gm whispered me to see if I would be interested in filling a spot for them because a guildie had something come up unexpectedly. I’m not going to lie, I laughed. I told him he really did not want me in his raid because I haven’t been doing the dailies or running the heroics I need to do to upgrade myself. I think the last heroic I ran was over a month ago and I managed a whopping 15k dps. Yeah, that’s embarrassing. In my defense, I only have 4% haste and my cast times are fucking LOOOOONG. That’s not a very good defense is it? Clearly there is more wrong with me than just my haste, but that’s a whole nother can of worms.

Back to the current story, I told him he’d be better off pugging as on top of my shitty, non-existent dps I also had never stepped one foot into the place and hadn’t yet studied any of the fights. I would be going in blind. Shudder. But it was now just a couple of minutes before 8 and they just weren’t finding anyone who could help them out so he asked me again if I would like to join them. I told him it would be absolutely horrifyingly embarrassing for both me and the guild but I am one of those people who will always do anything I can to help the team. Even if my help is going to amount to nothing more than being a warm body.

Which is exactly what happened, dps wise. I brought them no help at all. And just like I predicted, I was completely embarrassed about my dps. I mean, it seriously barely even registered on Recount, I swear. I can’t give you my overall dps number because after we got to Elegon the guildie who had not been there earlier had finally gotten online and I stepped out so he could join them and save them from me. And I can’t give you my dps number up until that point because the first time I glanced down and looked at it, I died. Of embarrassment. Then I puked. From nervous shame. Then I died again of more embarrassment. BUT. When it was all said and done, if you just ignore dps altogether, (please. ignore it.) I was actually pretty damn happy with my raid awareness and the fact that I really had no issue with standing in poop or falling off platforms or running away from the group when necessary. Obviously I would never say I was 100% on raid awareness, but for being such a nervous noob and just getting some quick, basic instructions before each pull I really think I did a good job. Of course, there may be 9 other people who don’t have that opinion, but no one ever yelled at me to move out of shit or run away or shoot the other guy or anything. I had even recently reconfigured my UI to make sure my battlerez, tranquility and innervate were situated in a prominent position on very large, easy to see buttons and that totally paid off because I got asked to pop both tranquility and my battlerez and I was able to do so instantly. Which is very unlike the past 5 years when I was always worried more about my UI being pretty and symmetrical. Also, even though it really didn’t help much, I had dropped all my money in the AH last Friday on a 30k trinket upgrade and finally buying gems and enchants for my shitty gear that needs to be replaced.

So when it was all said and done, I was starving and dying of thirst due to not knowing I was going to be raiding and getting stuck in my chair without a chance to grab any food or water. My keyboard and my shirt were covered in puke :P and I had missed every minute of the show I had been anxiously waiting to see for over a week. Thankfully it’s on Hulu+ so that’s no big deal. But even with all that misery and my being seriously (completely seriously) upset that my dps was so fucking ridiculous, I came away from the whole experience happy as fuck. Clearly I will be working on improving my dps, but I am no longer afraid of dipping my toes in LFR (yes, I know they will laugh at me and kick me from group if I try it before the dps improves). I’m just totally stoked about how I’m finally getting all of my other shit together and once I get my numbers up I will rule this kingdom and slay all the dragons.

Maybe.

Oh Come On, Blizzard. So Not Fair.

Ground is too uneven to pet battle

pet battle uneven ground_1

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