In honor of today marking my 1 year anniversary of being a WoW blogger, the following guest post was graciously written for me by my dear friend, Alas from Kiss My Alas. I appreciate her and her guest post soooo much, but honestly she still owes me cookies and this doesn’t make up for that.
Elfi asked me for a guest post for her one year blog anniversary and I figured I probably better humor her since
1. She’s written me a number of guest posts over the years and
2. She has my address.
I’m not going to lie; I had a hard time coming up with something that seemed like a good fit for this guest post. I’m having trouble writing anything in general for my own damn blog, so I hope Elfi reads this closely and realizes what a hardship this is for me. (I bet she won’t. I bet she’ll say something like: “It’s about time you got this to me. Where are my fucking cookies?”)
Anyhow. Elfi usually takes some time to point out variously my flaws or my virtues when she does something guesty for me. It was thinking about that which led me into my topic for her. See, I was fairly certain I had written a guest post here before and sang some praises, so I thought I might turn the tables on her and write a post telling you all how rotten and evil and mean she could be. But then it struck me that not only would that be phoning it in, I really don’t have any reason to make up vicious lies about Elfi.
So instead I’m here to tell you about a terrible disease that I am pretty sure Elfi has.
Not to be confused with H.E.R.P. (Hunters Effing Raids Perpetually), D.E.R.P., or Dementedly Exhibiting Random Personalities is a serious disease that mostly affects Druids because they are the champions of being jacks of all trades. Think about it: No other class is capable of filling every possible type of role the way Druids can. Some other hybrid classes are susceptible to this horrible disease, but my Recent Scientific Studies show that there is a much higher percent rate of this crippling illness in Druids; more than twice of what the second most affected class, Paladins, has displayed.
Studies suggest that Druids are affected to the extent that they are precisely because of their propensity to be constantly changing forms. In many of the worst diagnosed cases, sufferers of D.E.R.P. will often wake up in forms they don’t remember shifting into.
Fortunately, Elfi so far seems to be a somewhat mild case, exhibiting only an inability to speak with consistency on any given topic (as is demonstrated by the way she either praises or abuses me) and in other erratic behavior, such as running into walls when she should be healing and then blaming the erratic behavior on outside causes, such as lag.
One cause for concern is that Elfi has also demonstrated an unhealthy addiction to the ability to shift into multiple forms. While she claims most often to be “Elfi,” there has also been a disturbing trend where she would insist that her name is Morena. Never mind that she still looks like a giant, deranged chicken.
Right now there is no known cure for D.E.R.P., and those afflicted with the disease have shown a disturbing tendency to only degrade over time, becoming more DERPy, if you will.
Because my friend is being slowly overtaken by this crippling disease, I plan on creating a foundation in her name. If you have any gold to spare, please consider donating to the Elfindale Stop the D.E.R.P. Foundation. Only you can help prevent more deranged and overgrown chickens.