I am a very easy-going person. I am shy and awkward, yes, but at the same time I like to constantly be surrounded by friends. These days most of my closer friends (thanks to video games) are not near my geographically, so I guess that should be amended to say I like to constantly be in communication with friends. I hate to upset people, which unfortunately does make me a bit passive/aggressive. I know that’s considered bad and I really try to stay aware of when I’m doing it and bring it to a halt. Luckily for my parents and siblings, most of my passive/aggressiveness is used on them. My point is, I try to be nice at all times because I am a nice person. I have a lot of patience, I’m very accepting, I am always willing to adapt to others, and I venture through life with a great sense of humor.

These things probably tend to make people think I’m a pushover; and I’ll admit I am one of those people who seems to be invisible a lot in the outside world. I’m the one who people step in front of at the counter even though I had been in line waiting. Or the one who finds the door shutting in my face thanks to the person who just held it open for the 3 people directly ahead of me. People talk over me. People forget to introduce me. But it’s not because I’m all withdrawn in on myself and looking at the ground. It’s because I’m one of those people who will automatically stay a bit back away from the counter in case someone decides they really need up there first. I’m the one who will start to hesitate as I approach a door being held open because I want the person holding the door to be able to make the decision to be finished holding the damn door. Does that make sense? I put everyone’s needs (needs that I imagine they have, because most of the time they are total strangers) above my own. But it’s not because I don’t feel I’m worth it. It’s because I think you’re worth it. True story. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It works out for me only about .005% of the time, but I still try.¹

I’m not trying to toot my own horn here. I just wanted to point out how I view myself (because seriously, I’m sure there are people around who would disagree with my previous statements. Even I can’t please all the people all the time. Though I do try my hardest.) before posting the below screenshot of a conversation I just initiated in WoW. We all know that internet anonymity can turn any average nerd into a troll. Well there are times when I find myself pissed off at some random person in-game. It’s not very often and it usually involves them ninja’ing (made that word up right there, yo) a node I’m going for. The reason that will piss me off is because I never race anyone towards a node. I see someone in the general area and I’ll just stand and wait to see if that’s what they’re going for. [See second paragraph for reference]. So after inconveniencing myself that way for long periods of time it will occasionally hit me the wrong way when someone takes my shit.

And when that happens, this type of thing happens:

I hate when I do this. It’s like I don’t have the balls to just be outright mean but I am to the point where I want them to acknowledge they wronged me. I hold back from outright asshattery (or try to) because Elfi is known publicly by a small crowd and I don’t want that name tarnished. So it’s a combination of a few ranty sentences and a few passive aggressive sentences and it’s all pointless. I need to learn to just ignore it. These people are certainly ignoring me. But then, maybe that’s why I can’t ignore it. If someone grabbed a node from me and said “sorry” or “sucks to be you” or “take that fucker” as they ran away, I really think I’d get a good chuckle out of it. They knew I was there, they acknowledged that something has just happened. But to not say anything makes me feel like you haven’t even taken the time to acknowledge my existence and that burns my ass.

In closing, I really don’t know what the point of this post is. I just got wound up after the above conversation and started writing. I guess to feel like I’m serving a purpose here I will toss in a quick suggestion to everyone out there to tell me how I can improve the above conversation, or how I can train myself to not say anything, or even how you handle things of this nature. I can’t wait to see everyone’s take on this.

¹ Disclaimer: I am not saying I am like this all the time. I do have my bad days like everyone else. I can be grumpy, whiny, irritating, and everything else.

Comments on: "The One Where I’m Simultaneously Proud And Ashamed Of Myself" (6)

  1. It’s understandable to get annoyed with that kind of behaviour in my book. It’s perhaps not as extreme as the stuff that Kat from “RestoisEpic” was talking about yesterday but it’s a symptom of the same issue.

    I never fish from a pool someone is already at, just as I never race others to pick up quest items, herbs or mines but people do it to me all the time. Makes me wish I still played on a PvP server, so I could smite their face in return.

    • Lol, yeah maybe it would make me feel better if I could just strike them down instead of trying to reason with them. Unfortunately, I suck at PVP.

  2. This reminds me about an incidence at Disneyland a couple days ago. I had unintentionally cut in front of a woman and her kids in line. I honestly had no idea that the line started way back there. I overheard her talking to her daughters about how lame I was for cutting and how dare I…. I’m sure she purposely voiced her opinions up a notch so that she could be heard. So I turned around and said, “I can hear you talking and I’m really sorry. I had no idea the line didn’t start here” and moved on over to the back of the line. I continued to watch her huff and puff about it. What I really wanted to do was take her by the hair and judo throw her onto the floor and say, “You know what, people make mistakes. I said I was sorry bitch. It’s really disgusting to see that your children are learning to be mirror images of you. How very, very sad.”

    I guess my point is that we can’t change people. (We can help change their behavior but not their character). Shitty things happen to good people. Good things happen to shitty people. That’s just the way the world works. Don’t hold that aggression inside of you. Don’t keep it pent up until you burst. Life is too short. Let things go. Easier said than done, right? I try to give people the benefit of the doubt too. We don’t know what other people are going through. What if he/she really didn’t see you? What if she had her child on her lap and honestly just wasn’t paying attention? Anyway I could ramble on…

    • I cannot stand people who talk loudly about you to someone else with the intention of you hearing them. Ridiculous. One of my co-workers has that annoying habit and it embarrasses me if I happen to be near her when she does it.

      And I don’t think you were rambling. 🙂 You made a very valid point.

  3. Elfi, your post is completely valid and I feel your frustration! While I generally avoided dialogue with the jerk who “ninja’ed” the node I was going for, I can assure you that I had some very “choice” comments for them on my side of the screen (lol)..

    Unfortunately, we all have to deal with people like this; we can only hope that the next time someone else “will” have the kindness and courtesy to “hold the door” for us..

    Keep on keepin on! : )

    • Yes, luckily I manage to shrug it off most of the time. But catch me when I’m tired or have had a bad day and sometimes I can’t stop my fingers from typing. 😀

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