Posts tagged ‘guest post’

Elfi’s Treasured Tuesday

It’s no secret that content’s been a little light around here. And I’m not sure when that will change because, well because life is unpredictable. So in an effort to keep some activity going here and entertain you all at the same time, I’ve decided to try some new things. Welcome to the first installment of Elfi’s Treasured Tuesday. This is where I dig up a truly great WoW post from days gone by and shine the spotlight on it all over again. Now, I follow a lot of WoW bloggers and have read many, many amazing posts. So I believe this feature will stick around a while, though I can’t promise it will be every Tuesday.

We’re going to kick the first one off right with a post that I believe is from October, 2009. It was written by Mortigan The Warlock and while the page it used to appear on no longer exists, by the miracle of internet magic, I still have a copy of it.

I now proudly present, for the first ever Elfi’s Treasured Tuesday, Single Set Of Rules On How To Raid Anything, by Mortigan

I find it terribly hard to remember all the nuances of each boss fight. Sorry, but I’m just not hard-core enough to memorize who casts what, and I really don’t care if Pixie McNixie in the bottom of some hole is planning to fear me, sheep me, or chop me in half with a big heavy axe. Why? Because overall things are pretty much the same from one boss to the next, so I figured I could come up with a single set of rules on how to raid ANYTHING. I’ve appropriately named these rules “A Single Set Of Rules On How To Raid ANYTHING.”

Getting Ready:
Many people go to YouTube and watch Tankspot videos to familiarize themselves with the fights. This is a waste of time, because all you really need are my simple rules. Not 100% sure? Here are some additional reasons for skipping the videos:1. Those people in the videos are ELITE WIZARDS and your raid team is not going to do anywhere near as well as them. It’s like watching an Olympic gold medalist do the ski jump and then trying it yourself. Forget about it.2. There are less steps to preparing your taxes than there are to fights like Freya. Watching Tankspot explain it on YouTube will only give you a headache. Your guild is going to wipe on it anyway, so no need to give yourself a migraine. Skip the video and use my rules below!

Let’s Raid!
Ok, so here is my Single Set Of Rules On How To Raid ANYTHING:
1. DO NOT stand in anything that wasn’t there before the fight started, if it visually looks dangerous. This includes fire, black steaming circles of nastiness, green slimy stuff, purple ooze, etc. If you are not sure, stand in it for a second and see if your health goes down. If it does, MOVE.
2. DEFINITELY DO stand in anything that wasn’t there before the fight started, if it visually looks beneficial. This includes pleasant rays of fairy moonlight, air with lightning bug / glittery things in it, shiny sparkly spots on the floor, or anything else that a 3 year old girl might want to color. If you are not sure, stand in it for a second. If nothing bad happens, definitely keep standing it it because it MUST be doing something good.
3. Do the following based on your function:
Tank: Attack the boss with everything you got. Keep doing this and don’t stop until your healer drags you away screaming at you, “STOP! STOP! HE’S DEAD ALREADY!”
Heal: Keep healing until everyone is either dead and blaming you, or the boss is dead. In the latter case, it is your job to drag the tank away from the bloody corpse.
DPS: Do the same as the tank, but wait a fraction of a second before doing so. This way, if you get aggro, you can blame the Tank. Otherwise, he will blame you. That fraction of a second makes all the difference on who gets blamed for the wipe. Use it wisely. Now this next part is important: If adds arrive, you need to make a visual check of how dangerous they look. If they look like they can be ignored, stay on the boss. If they look really nasty, switch to the add. Simple! Or you can always fall back on the “watch what everyone else is doing and copy them” strategy, but I’m training you to be a trailblazer, so get in there and blaze that trail!
Off Tank: You’re on the adds. Someday, if you ever become cool enough or geared enough, the guild might let you be a REAL tank. But probably not anytime soon. So stick to adds. And if you run like a madman all over the map with a trail of adds behind you, creating a hellish conga-line of death, all the DPSers are going to HATE YOU. So keep your butt in one spot, take your beating, and suck it up.
4. DO NOT stand in a Boss’ AOE. The crap raining down on your head should be an obvious sign that it’s time to pack up and move.
5. Should a boss fight require you to operate some sort of vehicle, land mount, or drake, randomly mash buttons as fast as the cool-downs allow. Generally, Button 1 is the biggie one to mash, so mash it more than the others. No one’s really going to notice if you did well or not, so just mash, mash, mash! You’re a pro!
6. If you get aggro, run TOWARD your teammates, not away from them. It’s the surest way to get rid of that unwanted boss who’s taken serious notice of you. Ideally, run toward (and right through) a mage. Mages are a big, big help with getting rid of aggro. If you’re cool enough to be a warlock like me, you can even strategically position yourself right next to a mage throughout the fight, and Soulshatter as needed. Be sure to turn toward the mage when Soulshattering, so that you can watch the look on his face when the boss 1-shots him. If you’re a mage, disregard everything I’ve just said, and take one for the team.
7. The laws of the universe that govern comic books, video games, and science fiction in general require that twins ALWAYS have some sort of symbiotic relationship, and a special power will CERTAINLY exist between them. Therefore, any time there are twin bosses (or even twin adds if they’re extremely dangerous looking), they MUST be killed simultaneously. Very bad things happen when one twin witnesses the death of the other. Heed my warning, and kill any and all twins at the same time. Further, they cannot be allowed to touch each other or send each other any kind of glowing orb, ray beam, soothing rainbow, etc. You don’t want the wonder-twins activating ANYTHING. So keep them apart, kill them apart, and do it at the same time.

If you follow these simple rules, you’re sure to be a success at your next raid. I advise you to print this out and keep it handy. Review it during the boring buff periods before raiding, or when the tank if off in Dalaran begging for another healer. And be sure to stop back by and let me know how it went! Happy raiding!Your buddy,
Mortigan the Lock .

Guest Post: D.E.R.P.

In honor of today marking my 1 year anniversary of being a WoW blogger, the following guest post was graciously written for me by my dear friend, Alas from Kiss My Alas. I appreciate her and her guest post soooo much, but honestly she still owes me cookies and this doesn’t make up for that.

Elfi asked me for a guest post for her one year blog anniversary and I figured I probably better humor her since

1. She’s written me a number of guest posts over the years and
2. She has my address.

I’m not going to lie; I had a hard time coming up with something that seemed like a good fit for this guest post. I’m having trouble writing anything in general for my own damn blog, so I hope Elfi reads this closely and realizes what a hardship this is for me. (I bet she won’t. I bet she’ll say something like: “It’s about time you got this to me. Where are my fucking cookies?”)

Anyhow. Elfi usually takes some time to point out variously my flaws or my virtues when she does something guesty for me. It was thinking about that which led me into my topic for her. See, I was fairly certain I had written a guest post here before and sang some praises, so I thought I might turn the tables on her and write a post telling you all how rotten and evil and mean she could be. But then it struck me that not only would that be phoning it in, I really don’t have any reason to make up vicious lies about Elfi.

So instead I’m here to tell you about a terrible disease that I am pretty sure Elfi has.


Not to be confused with H.E.R.P. (Hunters Effing Raids Perpetually), D.E.R.P., or Dementedly Exhibiting Random Personalities is a serious disease that mostly affects Druids because they are the champions of being jacks of all trades. Think about it: No other class is capable of filling every possible type of role the way Druids can. Some other hybrid classes are susceptible to this horrible disease, but my Recent Scientific Studies show that there is a much higher percent rate of this crippling illness in Druids; more than twice of what the second most affected class, Paladins, has displayed.

Studies suggest that Druids are affected to the extent that they are precisely because of their propensity to be constantly changing forms. In many of the worst diagnosed cases, sufferers of D.E.R.P. will often wake up in forms they don’t remember shifting into.

Fortunately, Elfi so far seems to be a somewhat mild case, exhibiting only an inability to speak with consistency on any given topic (as is demonstrated by the way she either praises or abuses me) and in other erratic behavior, such as running into walls when she should be healing and then blaming the erratic behavior on outside causes, such as lag.

One cause for concern is that Elfi has also demonstrated an unhealthy addiction to the ability to shift into multiple forms. While she claims most often to be “Elfi,” there has also been a disturbing trend where she would insist that her name is Morena. Never mind that she still looks like a giant, deranged chicken.

Right now there is no known cure for D.E.R.P., and those afflicted with the disease have shown a disturbing tendency to only degrade over time, becoming more DERPy, if you will.

Because my friend is being slowly overtaken by this crippling disease, I plan on creating a foundation in her name. If you have any gold to spare, please consider donating to the Elfindale Stop the D.E.R.P. Foundation. Only you can help prevent more deranged and overgrown chickens.

Guest Post: The One Where Alas Sings Elfi’s Praises

I have many faults, one of which is I don’t take compliments well. I’ve worked way too hard on my inferiority complex to have some moron try to ruin it by saying nice things about me. But alas, it does sometimes happen and Alas is the moron of the moment. She has graciously sent me a guest post to use during vacation. She even put some thought into making her post title fit in with my homage to the TV show Friends by starting it with “The One Where..” Which means I would have felt bad, eventually, if I pretended I never received it. So I decided I might as well post it. I now present to you a guest post by my dear friend Alas from Kiss My Alas

When I first met Elfi, I had no idea that I was meeting someone who is everything that Elfi is: smart, funny, generous, kind and so positive it makes even the most curmudgeonly person smile just to see her log in and then – usually many minutes later, whenever she got back from wherever she had wandered of to – easily and modestly return all the cries of “Elfi!” that would have poured in while she was… wherever she was.

I was very much getting into raiding when Elfi first joined my guild. I was always too busy in those days to really lend a hand with anything that didn’t revolve somehow around raid preparedness and the level cap. I probably was mostly decked out in epics and I probably thought I was pretty badass. It was somewhere in the midst of this, months and months after I first welcomed Elfi to the guild, that I finally happened across her in the world for the first time.

It was in Zangarmarsh, as I recall. I had known Elfi had some aspirations to heal for our raids at some point down the road. What I hadn’t quite picked up on was that if I happened to chance across her in the wider world, she would be merrily attempting to kill things while shaped like a tree.

She had my sympathies. After all, I had been stubbornly stupid enough to level my priest in holy spec, stopping after every kill to drink and lining the pockets of drink sellers the whole world over. But I had done that with my eyes open to the inherent difficulties (which might make me more stupid, now that I think on it). Did Elfi know she was doing things the hard way?

At and I helped her nuke her way through a few quests, escorting that cow who insists on being captured by creatures 1/3 of her size, and then I think we were off to other things. But I had a little piece of the Elfi puzzle with me.

I knew she wasn’t the sort of person who simply assumed other guildies had nothing better to do than to help her. At and I had to talk her into letting us help out for a few minutes. And her long silences in guild chat punctuated with her occasionally saying something drop dead funny weren’t contrived. She was as funny with what she could pack into a few minutes of joint questing as she was with her carefully placed contributions to guild chat. And, bless her, she was leveling as a tree.

Eventually, I got to meet Elfi the real life person. We had a LAN party at the home of our mutual friend and we later met up with other guildies at a Renaissance Faire in St. Louis. And it was only then that I at last identified what I think of as Elfi’s best trait. Elfi has a way of looking at things that makes them seem new and, even better, she has a knack for spreading that almost childlike enthusiasm to everyone around her.

It’s that trait that makes me so glad she started up this blog. Too often, it seems, most people forget to take the time to revel in the wonderful place that Azeroth is. I know I let it become too common and cheapen the sense of wonder and the feelings of awe I felt upon first seeing all the varied corners. Elfi brings new eyes to old scenes for me, and rekindles the magic I first felt. She reminds me what a wonderful world we get to muck about in and reminds me what precious gems we might find in the people who inhabit it.

For those things, I am grateful. I hope many more people will be able to enjoy Elfi’s optimistic and exuberant spirit as much as I do.

Guest Post: Zinn Talks About Srs Bsns

I am thrilled to have a guest post for you guys today. I was so excited when this was emailed to me that I squeed with delight for days. It is an honor to present to you some words of wisdom written by Zinn from Jinxed Thoughts instead of the usual drivel from me. Zinn is one of my favorite bloggers and I know you guys feel the same way about her, so without further ado…

I always make rude gestures at people who tell me that “WoW is just a game”. Either it is to patronize my upset feelings about something or justify some asshat behavior, I just don’t understand that argument. When people say “It’s just a game” I interpret it as what they really are trying to say is “it’s just a game so why do you care?” Why is it important to you? How can it be? To me this stems from an attitude towards games that they are somehow inferior. Thery’re not a proper way of having fun. I know plenty of people who are ashamed to tell others they spend as much time with WoW as they do, but I bet they wouldn’t be if their hobby was something else than gaming (maybe if it was stamp collecting). Watching TV for 6 hours straight is ok, but not gaming? Being upset that my favorite show was cancelled is ok, but not that my class is being completely redesigned?

To me WoW is very srs bsns (serious business for all you non-leet speakers out there). I spend alot of time in, with it and I invest alot of myself in it. I do it because I enjoy it. To me WoW is important. When I go to work or do other boring stuff, WoW is one of the things that motivates me. While sitting there, tapping my fingers, being utterly bored I think – “Ok, I have to earn money so I can afford WoW”. And ice cream. And all the other stuff that I happen to enjoy. Of course I will react when something in my fun is changed into non-fun. Just as I get annoyed when I’ve invested alot of time in a book/movie/series that ends horribly bad. Or if I knit a sweatshirt and Love goes and destroys it. Or if the blog post I just spent 2 hours writing suddenly disappears into the Twwisting Nether. Or if my favorite football (I refuse to say soccer) team looses. All of these things would make fun stuff less fun, and I’d be a brick if these things didn’t matter to me. Everyone in the world has something they enjoy to do – so how come WoW isn’t ok to invest so much into? Why isn’t it ok for me to nerdrage about people who ninja or designer choices from hell?

And then there is the other side of the coin. People who don’t seem to enjoy anything about WoW and yet they care so much about it. As with everything else in life I think we should have a healthy attitude towards WoW. So I don’t like the changes made to my class, but should I really get this upset about it? Or should I just be annoyed about it and move on. I can agree that alot of people take some things too seriously. When is something too serious and when is it just healthy commitment? If our goal is for us to have fun with something, we have to ask ourselves – is the fun really gone? Sometimes when Love whines about his class (which seems to be constantly), I just tell him to go do something else for a while. Why play something that isn’t enjoyable? Or if it really bugs him, go tell the people who actually can do something about it – the devs.

That doesn’t mean I should turn hooligan on Blizzards behinds just because I feel like they nerfed my class too much. If you take things that seriously you’re not having fun anymore, and even worse, you’re ruining the fun for everyone else (which might be the idea, but that’s not good). In a way I don’t think that is taking the matter serious at all, because then you’ve completely forgotten the original reason that you wanted to play, which hopefully isn’t because you wanted to whine about stuff. Taking something too serious is when you think it is personal. When you believe that Blizzard does something just to annoy you. When you feel like the buff to rogues stealth is just to make you twist and turn at night in anger. Arsenal didn’t lose that match because they thought it would be fun to ruin your day (I don’t cheer for Arsenal or any other football team, but it was the first name that popped into my head), and Blizzard don’t do changes to make you sad.

We should be upset when things don’t go our way. We should be angry and write heated blog posts about how Blizzard don’t seem to understand anything anymore. We should vent our feelings. But also remember that when all the fun is taken out of the thing we do, we should rather consider go do something else than ruin the fun for everyone else. Don’t turn into the kindergarten child who destroys everyone sand castles just because you don’t like to build them yourself. And don’t mock people who think their sand castles, which they have spent all that time and fun with, are serious business.